Childhood Indulgences

Someone very “wise” once told me that I was struggling with “unfinished business” from my childhood and was holding onto the past which was preventing me from fully embracing the incredible joys of independent adulthood.

WELL, “sage of wisdom,” while you are usually full of bull-shit…you’re right about this one… I am TOTALLY rebelling against becoming a grown-up... and I really must ask: why wouldn’t I rebel? … My childhood was flat-out awesome…and my current situation is pretty damn sweet!

Kids around America are growing up WAY too fast these days. What’s with all the rush to drop out of school, get pregnant at 15 and end up with piles of bills and no career opportunities? Personally: if my parental units are willing to hold my hand & pay my health insurance… I’m going to cherish that offer like my life depended on it! (Literally)

For all of you readers who are also young-at-heart, I have compiled a list of childhood pleasures & indulgences that you are still fully-entitled to enjoy after flying from the nest and claiming your independence…

1) Sleepovers: Back then… hyperactive kids (all of the same gender) in princess/action figure pajamas pigging-out on junk-food and playing truth-or-dare until sunrise. Now… drunken and/or horny individuals wearing the same outfit they wore that day (or nothing) while drowning the keg and playing beer-pong until they can no longer see the cups.
2) Sugary Cereals: I am pretty sure that THE Andrew Gerard Leister, (physics genius and math extraordinaire), eats Cap’n Crunch Berries, Honeycomb or Pop-tarts almost every morning for breakfast. If he can eat little balls of artificially-flavored sugar and still pull off a 4.0 GPA, anyone can!
3) Goodie Bags: Admit it… these joyful tokens of greatness were the only reason you ever went to the ugly, annoying & obnoxious kids’ birthday parties. Who says that you still can’t enjoy them!?... Instead of bouncy balls, lollipops and stickers... Offer your guests (or beg your hostess for) aromatic candles, cute picture frames, homemade baked-goods or mini-cocktail mixers!
4) Valentines: Handing out Valentines in your 20s is SO much better than handing them out in grade school… Why? Because you can actually pick and choose who you want to give them to! There is no longer a “school rule” that you have to make one for every single classmate, (even the kids you never talked to). Example: My friend Trey decked out some awesome Valentines this year… elegant and sophisticated on high-quality stationary… (Keep the cartoon characters to a minimum people)… now go make someone’s day!
5) 90’s pop music: N’sync, Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, S Club 7, Ricky Martin, Hanson... etc. etc. the list goes on… Here’s the secret: What people can’t hear, can’t hurt ‘em!! Just plug in those headphones and listen to any damn song you want… Does “Mmbop” really get you moving during a hard workout? Blast that fucker! Who has to know?