Andrew Leister: Hermano, Dude, Brohan Supreme

Let’s talk about my brother… Andrew Gerard Leister: born August 2, 1986 as the first grandchild on both sides of our family… (Basically: the pride and joy… the symbol of all that is perfect… he could probably still shit his pants and everyone would smile with glee).

NOW….As a senior at a prestigious university double-majoring in Math & Physics, Andrew is the 1st chair clarinet in his university band, the president of his music fraternity and a proud member of the international honors fraternity Phi Beta Kappa. He received a perfect score of 800 on the math section of both the SAT and the GRE and spent a recent summer building lasers and dissecting subatomic particles in an acclaimed laboratory.

Oh… and I forgot to mention… he got into YALE today! As if I wasn’t trailing behind his glistening halo enough… he goes ahead and gets accepted to one of the top Physics graduate schools in the country! As the website says: FML

Our oblivious parents have always tried to reassure me by saying… “Oh sweetie, don’t judge yourself next to your brother. You two are so different that it would be impossible to make a comparison!” While this may be true, I still harbor a serious case of “Younger Sibling Rivalry.” Everything he did, I tried to do better…

1) Tee-ball: We were 4 & 5. He played… I wanted in! (I was tired of running to the hot-dog stand and never getting service because I was too short to reach the counter)… So, mom signed me up. I got a nifty red uniform and baseball cap. My idiot coach put me in at the “pitchers mound” (even though it was tee-ball) and watched with the crowd as my two front teeth were knocked out by a fly ball. (Score: Andrew-1; Hilary-0)

2) Music: I started on the piano: quit after 1 year… my teacher was old and grumpy. Then I took a stab at the violin: quit after 3 years… it wasn’t cool to play in Middle School. I finally picked up the guitar: quit after 6 months… soccer took up too much time… But Andrew, the Sacred Prince & Genius: started clarinet at age 10… has been playing for 12 years… made every district, state, honors club fraternity whatever and even plays in the pit for his school musicals. (Score: Andrew-2; Hilary-0)

3) Parental Approval Rating: My parents despised my friends in 6th grade. They thought they were trouble because 3 of them came over one night and drank my mom’s 24-pack of Diet Coke. Not beer… Diet Coke! Mom & Dad always welcomed me into the room with a sneering … “Oh, hi Hilary”… but when Andrew walked in, it was… “Hey Dude! Are you hungry? How are you? Want some money?”… (Score: Andrew-3 +$$; Hilary-0)

So congratulations dear brother! I hope that you enjoy studying hard with your fellow laser-dissecting friends. I’m alright with your achievements as long as I can still live in your basement in 5 years. You’ll have invented a time machine… and I’ll be writing this blog. Love you dude!