Assaulted in a Library!

Almost every Saturday between the hours of noon and 1pm as I am coming home from Brian's, (I'm kind of habitual), you will find me frolicking through one of our local libraries embracing my inner nerd.

You see... I LOVE the books! Particularly fiction. Reading relaxes me so much & temporarily transports my mind to a different setting... and plot, (book humor). As long as the book doesn't suck, reading makes me very happy. (And the fact I haven't met any vampires in the real world doesn't bother me at all.... I swear!)

So yesterday, (Saturday), at approximately 12:35pm I was happily browsing through one of our local libraries. I was looking at the rack titled "Popular Book Club Favorites" when someone grabbed my ass. Yes, someone.... grabbed... my ass... in a library!

The first thing that came to my mind was: "Brian, what are you doing here?" It didn't even register to me that some perverted stranger could be fondling my buttocks. But then I thought... "Wait, I just left Brian's! Oh my God, a stranger just touched my ass!" And so, extremely flustered and confused, I turned around to discover the identity of my ass grabber.

And it was my mother. Oh-my-freaking-GOD, I know! My mother grabbed my ass in a public library. I feel like I've reached some sort of ultimate low. At any age, this unusual act would lead to extreme embarrassment and mortification. So I just stood there, dumbstruck, as my mother had to lean again a book shelf because she was laughing so hard. I couldn't talk for about 60 seconds as I registered the situation. After about a minute I chuckled humorously and walked away, leaving my mother with happy tears streaming down her face.

F-M-L!

Adulthood

Have you ever had one of those... "Oh my God, I'm getting old!" moments?

Earlier this week, I found out that one of my closest childhood friends is pregnant. It seems like only yesterday that she and I were devouring cheese doodles at sleepover parties, having picnics in a big field in our neighborhood, and... (God help us), tying a bed-sheet around my waist and belaying me down the side of her beach house! (I had an interesting childhood).

I guess my point is... Where did all the time go? High School was a complete blur, (possibly due to my repressing most of it). College absolutely flew by! (Maybe I drank too much?)... And NOW: I find myself with a full time job, too tired to party on weekends, pregnant friends, engaged acquaintances, car problems, and bills to pay!

I lay in bed the other night pondering these occurrences and came to a bright conclusion... Change is inevitable. It's also exciting, nerve-wracking, and downright scary. BUT- it often provides excellent opportunities to chit-chat and throw parties! ERGO: We should all embrace the new and unavoidable happenings in life with positivity, but still hold on to the things that make us happy. (I say this as an excuse to listen to Harry Potter books on tape forever).

Carpe Diem!

Emma Go Bragh!

Meet Emma Smith...

Emma is my little cousin who was adopted from China about 5 years ago. She lives in Ireland outside of Dublin with my Aunt, Uncle, and other cousin Brendan. The last time I saw Emma was at our Grandpa's funeral last May.

Emma is going to be baptized this spring. When my Aunt and Uncle asked her who she wanted as her Godmother, she said... "Hilary!"... They called the next day to ask if I'd oblige and I almost cried. I was so touched!

Ergo: I'M FLYING TO IRELAND in the spring for Emma's baptism! Even better, Brian's agreed to come along w/ me and we're going to drink Guinness for a week all over the country.

My question for you all... Have you ever been to Ireland? Do you have any suggestions of what we can't miss over there? Any advice at all about pub-hopping or how to cure potato overload?

Dear Snow, We're DONE!

Last night was, quite possibly, one of the scariest experiences of my life. In 4.5 hours it snowed 8 inches in the Washington, DC area. During those hours, I was stuck on the Beltway in a zombie apocalyptic nightmare! 

The entire beltway was a car graveyard. There were flashing lights everywhere, ambulances that couldn't get through, trees down, wires in the roads, and cold wet white stuff piled high everywhere. They should really make a video game called "Thundersnow" where you have to dodge all the broken-down cars on the highway while trying to prevent your vehicle from spinning out. If you can get home without running out of gas or hitting a road divider, you win!

Before last night, I used to love snow. I would watch it falling from my window and immediately start smiling with thoughts of warm cocoa and snow angels! Now, however, I would like to leave a flaming bag of poo on snow's doorstep. Due to our recent falling out, I've written snow a poem that I'd like to share with you all...

Breaking up with Snow

I've always spent my winter days awaiting your arrival

In all that time you've never, never, EVER let me down

But now I see, that all that time, I was really in denial

Cause you're really just a menace that wreaks havoc on the town!

The snowmen I used to build left imprints on my heart

Your beautiful whiteness always made me warm and jolly inside

But I must say now, my cold white friend, that we need some time apart

Your true self was revealed last night during my horrible, treacherous ride!

You're a savior to the children when they find out there's no school

You're also fun to clump in balls and throw at friends and mates

But you're a dangerous, hazardous, and destructive little fool

And that is you must now find another girl to date!

Saturday Night CHILLEN

I'm sitting across from Brian right now. We're both working diligently on our computers and occasionally batting eyelids at one another. (Yes, it's Saturday night)....

He thinks I'm working on my novel... WRONG! (Although, I must admit... the story IS coming along quite nicely!)... Instead, I'm posting pictures of the lovely dinner we made tonight. We made Southwest Chickpea Croquettes, (see image), along w/ a Whole Foods salad bar salad, (which I totally put together myself).

And now, we're drinking blueberry beer and enjoying one another's company. (Virtually and realistically)...

Nom, Nom, Nom!

Etsy: Good vs. Bad Geekery (Part 2)

Because my previous "Good vs. Bad Geekery" post received SO much praise, (and because I love wasting my time on Etsy), I've decided to write another post "constructively" criticizing some of the interesting products I found in the site's Geekery section. I will now arrange these products into two distinct categories: "Good Geekery," and "Bad Geekery"...

Bad Geekery:

 Giant Squid Couch Pillow

Could you honestly sleep in someone's house knowing this thing is sitting under the same roof?

 Felt Breakfast Platter Necklace

Yes, this is supposed to be a necklace: something women commonly wear out in public. The only time it would be acceptable to wear this is if attending a pancake breakfast. Wait... no, not even then.

Knife Earrings with Green "Zombie Blood" Stains

Looking at these... I picture a hot girl sitting alone, drink in hand, in a bar. A guy approaches her, thinking she's TOTALLY smoking, until he noticed her Green Zombie earrings and starts SPRINTING away!

Good Geekery:

 Mac 'n' Cheese iMac Sticker

These stickers are always SO cute & clever, especially this one. If I used a mac, (which I don't b/c I love my Toshiba), I would buy it in a second!

 Bacon Refrigerator Magnets

I think food-themed household necessities are amazing. Mouse-pads shaped like Belgium Waffles, Salt 'n' pepper shakers shaped like deviled eggs, Candles shaped like fruit or sushi pieces, magnets shaped like BACON! (Soy bacon, of course)

The Golden Snitch Necklace

I would proudly wear this necklace ANYWHERE and show it off to all of my fellow Harry Potter nerds. It's a "classy" way to show devotion to J.K.'s masterpieces. (Side note: I plan on being a golden snitch for Halloween this year!)

There you have it, readers! Now... Immediately go to Etsy.com and shop your heart out!

*Please note: These criticisms are solely based on personal opinion and I am not trying to harm the sales of Etsy designers who do, in fact, work very hard to create unique products.

2011 "In & Out" List

Every year on January 1st, the Washington Post publishes an "In & Out" list in honor of the new year. This list represents what WP writers think should be left behind as "drab" in the previous year and what should be embraced as "way freaking cool" in the year to come.

Today, I'd like to share my own "In & Out" list that I think everyone should use as a basis for determining what will, in fact, be the epitome of chic & fly in 2011. (NOTE: Everything you are about to read is absolutely true. I am the Goddess of Cool)...

Out:                                             In:

1) Swooning over Vampires                1) Swooning over Weasleys

It's no secret that a vampire craze spread like chicken pox among our nation's female population in 2010. However, I believe that everyone's favorite ginger family will fully satisfy our nation's ladies come the release of HP7 (II) this summer.

2) Boring black computer speakers   2) Computer speakers shaped like animals!

For years, computer gurus have been using external speakers to increase their computers' volume. These speakers are plain, ugly, and absolutely no fun. I think that 2011 will bring the birth of amazing external speakers, (such as the panda speakers featured above).

3) Chicken                                          3) Chickpeas

I'm not really one to evangelize veganism. However, today... I feel no shame in using my blog as propaganda! Killing little chickens is NOT cool. Embrace the bean in 2011 & you'll save a clucking friend, have less unwanted hormones flooding through your body, & you'll help the environment!

4) Keypads                                          4) Touch-screens

I know that touch-screens have been around for awhile, but they are just SO much cooler than keypads. (They're practically magic!)

5) Barnes & Noble                     5) Amazon.com e-books (for Kindle)

If you're a bookie like myself, don't be an idiot. Save some money! (Save more by being a nerd & visiting your local library. I promise, you won't turn into one of the old ladies who work there.

6) Spaghetti                                         6) Spaghetti Squash

If you haven't tried spaghetti squash, go freaking buy one... NOW! It's amazing, it's a vegetable, & it's a great substitute for spaghetti. (Top it w/ tomato sauce).

7) Gals with long hair                          7) Gals with short hair

Short hair on girls is sexy... deal with it! Yes, if you choose to cut your hair, its insane awesomeness may be intimidating to those around you. But remember- they're only jealous of your guts to go short!

8) Watching "Jersey Shore"                   8) Visiting the Jersey Shore

I swear, I have NO ties to this state! (ahem)... But I do encourage road trips. Ergo- get off your ass and stop watching MTV. Go visit the beach and get your GTL on instead of watching Snookie on the tube.

9) Hallmark Cards                              9) Homemade cards

Let's not support the company that thought up such an idiotic concept as "Valentine's Day." (Although, I must admit- I do love the occasional flowers and chocolates)... Instead, work some magic & make your own cards! People will  love them and you can be much more creative and personable.

10) Acting like a douche bag                10) Smiling, Pleases, & Thank yous

Despite my occasionally cynical sarcasm, I am an optimist. I'm a firm believer that you can get what you want if you embrace the concepts of politeness, concern, & helpfulness. So let another car into the never-ending line during rush hour, bake someone cookies, recycle, hold the door open for someone whose arms are full. Your friendly acts will likely come back to you.... KARMA!
 

Well, there you have it! A few simple tips for getting your "cool" on in 2011. (There may be more tips in the near future). Happy New Year to all!