Good vs. Bad Etsy Geekery

Since the holiday season is approaching, I think it's time again to do a little run-down of some GOOD vs. BAD geekery featured on one of my favorite websites, Etsy.com ... 

Good Geekery

1) Monet Kindle Cover... Not only is this Kindle cover super stylish, it protects your portable reading device from spilled liquids, sand, and crumbs! Qui!

2) Twilight Charm Bracelet... A replica of the bracelet Jacob made for Bella in Eclipse, this piece is a subtle way to show your Twilight obsession to the world, because only those who've read and loved the books will understand it! (Everyone else will just think you like wolves).

3) Harry Potter Toilet Decal... In the 7th Harry Potter book, Harry & his pals had to flush themselves down porcelain thrones in order to break into the Ministry of Magic. Putting this on your toilet seat at home would not only be hilarious, but an excellent conversation starter!

4) Pracing Pony T-shirt... A reference to an inn visited by our hobbit friends in LOTR, how cute is this t-shirt!? Completely nerdy, of course, yet impressively subtle and stylish.


Bad Geekery:

1) Ugly Mermaid Doll: If you were a 10 year-old girl and got this doll in your stocking, would you scream and fear Santa for the rest of your life? I certainly would! Not only is this freaky mermaid rocking saggy boobs uncovered by sea-shells, she also appears not to have a face.

2) Knitted Twilight Dolls: First of all, these dolls look nothing like the Twilight characters. Second, they don't have mouths, which they need for inhaling food & blood. And third, they are missing hands and feet.

3) "Daddy's lil Hunting Buddy" Onesie... Not only am I against hunting, but I am against baby's hunting. I am also against baby hunting. Baby's holding guns... not cute! Baby's shooting baby animals.... DISTURBING!

4) "Pope Eating Babies" Magnet... I'm sorry, but I must have missed the news story about the Pope eating babies. Sure, the current Pope may be a little scary looking... but baby eating? Good LORD, hide your children!

Note to Readers: The artists on Etsy.com work incredibly hard to craft their products. The above written criticisms are my own snobby opinions and are not meant to put-down any Etsy artists.

THE END!

Happy Tofurky Day!

Happy Thanksgiving, my lovely readers! You can tell it's Thanksgiving in the Leister household as my mother is freaking out, (as she does every year), that she won't be able to finish the cooking, (yet insists on making 10+ dishes).... She's already asked me to make a trip to the grocery store... & liquor store. It's 9:00am.

Anyway... I'd like to share with you my list of what I'm thankful for on this lovely Thanksgiving!

1)  The Gardein Tofurky I bought myself last weekend that will make me feel included at the dinner table today! (It's time to play NAME THAT MOVIE..."Because, I want to fit in")

2) My job. They pay me, they keep me busy & entertained during the day, & they praise me when I do good work! What's not to love!? I'm very grateful. (Do you think I should wear this penguin's shirt to work?)

3) The Elliptical machine located so ideally and wonderfully in our basement. It provides me with the perfect workout so I don't have to bear the freezing weather during cold winter months. Elliptical machine, I solute you!

4) This hot stud... (Hint... It's Brian!)

5) The fact that I don't have to grow & harvest all the food I eat today. And that I don't have to live with malaria & destroy the lives of hundreds of Native Americans.

6) Harry Potter & Twilight. They have enriched my life with magic & fantasy and have indeed helped to spur my creative, genius mind. Such joy, such joy...

Happy Tofurky Day!!

Breaking Dawn (AKA- Twilight 4.1)

Last night I took three of my home-girls to see Breaking Dawn, the fourth film in the oh-so-popular Twilight series. In my opinion, it was the best Twilight film yet! Here's why...

1) Taylor Lautner ripped off his shirt in the first minute of the film. THE-FIRST-MINUTE!

2) Kristen Stewart only looked constipated during the last 5/6 of the film. The first 1/6 was free of her signature "irregular" expressions!

3) Charlie, Bella's father, was hilarious during the beautiful wedding scene. ("Well, it's time to get drunk!")

4) Robert Pattinson's new haircut was FINE as WINE!

5) Kristen Stewart looked like absolute crap during the pregnancy scenes when a half-vampire/half-human was sucking the life out of her. It may be evil of me to say so, but I quite enjoyed watching!

6) In the scene when the wolves were talking to each other, I thought I was watching some weird sci-fi clip of futuristic robot dogs. HILARIOUS!

7) I've decided where I want my next vacation to be... Isle Esme! And Brian will totally let me hop on his back before we jump off a giant waterfall. If Edward can do it, so can Brian!

8) There was a preview before the movie for The Hunger Games. If you haven't read the series, go buy the first book and get on that!

GO TEAM JACOB!.... and I guess TEAM EDWARD too.

The Lamenting Thanksgiving Vegan (A Poem)

I used to love Thanksgiving with all it's tasty, carby food.
I used to stuff my face with turkey till my stomach had to be glued!

But now, I'm afraid, I don't eat turkey, for I chose to go meat-free.
I steer quite clear of meat and fish & say, "No dairy & eggs for me!"

So I stand here a vegan, a Thanksgiving vegan, just wondering what to eat.
For I can't consume turkey, stuffing, pie, mom's mashed potatoes, & buttery treats!

After dutifully watching the Macy's Parade and going for me pre-feast run,
I grab a plate and approach the food table, bracing myself for a meal devoid of fun.

But as I grab the spooon to the soggy canned peas...
My mother whispers to me, "Come with me, if you please!"

"I know that Thanksgiving is hard for a vegan who can't eat turkey & gravy.
So I prepared a few options for you to enjoy that I hope you will find quite savory!

"Over here is a roast of plump, juicy, tofurky & sweet potatoes w/ cinnamon & spices.
And here is a pumpkin pie made from tofu to help fulfill all your sweet vices!

"And last but not least we have butternut squash with a sprinkle of candied ginger.
And I can't forget the sweet cranberry sauce that won't, your stomach, injure!"

With a tear in my eye I hugged my dear mother who had helped make my dreams come true!
She truly made Turkey Day a holiday worth celebrating, without me needing a drink... or two.

As I eat my Tofurky with a tall glass of cider, I give thanks for my very blessed life.
Which is full of family, friends, & PUPPIES! And very little strife.

THE END


NOTE TO READERS: This poem is fiction. It is merely a fantasy & a figment of my imagination. I will, in fact, be eating soggy canned peas this Thanksgiving.... and maybe a dinner roll without butter. When's Christmas? I want presents!!

Happy Birthday to MEEEEE!

I turned 24 this past Friday on 11/11/11!... (Guess what my lucky number is?)

To celebrate, Brian rocked-out and took me on a lovely get-away weekend to NYC. I like to refer to NYC as "The other DC," where DC stands for "Dachshund City" because there are so many adorable little wiener dogs moving their tiny little legs down every block! (My total dachshund-spotting count this weekend was seven. A commendable number, but nowhere near my PR of fifteen)...

In addition to eating at Candle 79, (one of the BEST vegan restaurant in the country which surprised me with the dessert pictured above), seeing the Lion King on Broadway, and running around the entirety of Central Park, here are a few fun things I got to do in "The other DC"...

I got a manicure on the upper west side in a very "zen" establishment. They massaged my hands with some green lotion called "squat" and asked me to shut-up multiple times because I was disturbing the lady getting a facial in the next room. I guess I said, "OOO, that smells like strawberries!" with too much enthusiasm.

I stole a Christmas tree outside of some expensive shop walking home from dinner. Luckily for me, the NYPD ain't got nothing on my speed, WHAT!

 

Brian is such a sport and puts up with my insane puppy-like energy. We walked about 10 miles around the city before we needed to put up our feet and have some serious couch time!

I was just entering the REM stage of my nap when Brian snapped his camera and woke me up. I like to call this my "Happy Wake-up Face." Just looking at it makes me feel beautiful :)

 

We strolled around the American Museum of Natural History and learned lots about interesting animals. After much persuasion, I finally convinced this charming penguin in to dance with me. I therefore dubbed him "Vanilla Ice"...

I finished out the weekend by gorging myself w/ tofu cream-cheese at 72nd St. Bagel. I can still feel the white deliciousness moving around in my belly. So worth it!

Happy Birthday to ME!

Thanksgiving!

Earlier this month, I went to an "Early Thanksgiving" party. Unfortunately, I couldn't eat the adorable turkey muffins with mashed-potato icing or the buttery, pecan-a-licious sweet potatoes, but it was still a rocking party. Here's a picture of some of the foodz...

Gobble Gobble Gobble!

Happy Snow-lloween!

In my opinion, Halloween is a GRRREEAT Holiday! Here's why...

1) Halloween helps to boost the economy through increased sales of delicious candy and overly-priced costumes.

2) Halloween fosters creativity by forcing you to carve a super awesome design into a pumpkin & come-up with a witty costume that all will adore.

3) Halloween gives you a great excuse to dress like an idiot and/or slut and drink copious amounts of alcohol.

4) Halloween = Excessive airings of Hocus Pocus and The Nightmare Before Christmas! (My total # of viewings in October... Hocus Pocus = 3.6.... TNBC = 4.2)

5) Halloween means MY BIRTHDAY IS IN LESS THAN 2 WEEKS! (Current countdown = 6 days).

This year, Brian and his roommates through a Halloween party & it was a big hit! Here's why...

1) A girl just moved into Brian's house, which means she handled all of the decorating & food prep. ERGO- this girlfriend was off the hook yo!

2) Some party-goer brought over a cactus-shaped pinata and I got to take a dizzy, blind-folded whack at it. It was full of Milk Duds and Energy gels... SCORE!

Brian & I dressed up as Santa & Mrs. Claus this year. Very appropriately, the weather that day was unusually cold & it actually snowed for several hours. It was a Christmas, I mean, Halloween miracle!



Inspired by my obsession with The Nightmare Before Christmas, Brian and I carved Jack the Pumpkin King's head into my family's pumpkin. Can't you just hear it seeing, "What's this? What's this? There's color everywhere. What's this? There's white things in the air!"

 

And now, it's time break out the red & green to start prepping for CHRISTMAS! (I choose to ignore Thanksgiving as I no longer eat Turkey... gobble, gobble).