The Blogger Chick

For your amusement...

The Many Forms of Art

Yesterday was pretty monumental…

I got some time to meditate on the Metro as I dragged my booty over to L Street. From the Farragut North station I walked to the New America Foundation where I heard an NYU Professor discuss the first 100 days of Guantanamo Bay’s prison camp, (I went for a school assignment… I’m really not that interested)… Even though the woman was clearly over 50, she was rocking some black leather boots and a tight mini-skirt. Honestly, she looked hot! I give her mad props for not sacrificing stylistic integrity due to age.

I then hopped on the Metro again and made my way to the Smithsonian station downtown. I walked up the street and entered the doors of the National Gallery of Art… (I wish I could say otherwise… but again: it was for an assignment). Although I spent most of my time playing in the gift-shop, I analyzed all of the assignment’s necessary paintings and even ran into an old-friend: Edward Hopper’s The Mansard Roof, (see above).

Around 9:30 pm I drove on over to the Deville palace and watched Teddy’s band write a new song together. It was their darkest, eeriest and sexiest song yet… It’s going to turn-on even the purest of listeners. I’m so proud of my rockers!

And now, my friends… I am off to read the secrets of people from all over the world, (aka: my PostSecret internship)… don’t forget to send us your postcards!

The Leister Family

I found a fun little toy online that let me create a stick-figure portrait of my lovely family...

Medical Humilitation

I slept through my alarm this morning and woke up almost an hour late. By the time I got out of bed, I had to be at the doctor's office in 25 minutes. The office is 20 minutes away.

I slipped on my sneakers, brushed my teeth, grabbed a granola bar and ran out the door. Everything was going to be fine... It wasn't rush hour and I knew that I could make it on time... COME ON BELTWAY!

... I knew something was wrong. There was a little inkling in my mind saying that I had forgotten a very important task... but what had I forgotten? I would soon know...

It was time for my physical. The doctor asked me to take off all my clothes, except for my underwear... oops, there it was! It hit me like a cherry bomb. I had forgotten to wear underwear!

"OOOO, ummm, yeah... it's uhh... laundry day, so I uhh... don't exactly have underwear on"...

Her expression looked a helluva lot like the cat's face above... She then broke into laughter and said that it was "totally normal" and that patients come in without underwear all the time!... (Yeah right, nice try Doc)...

That's my story for the day... (Oh wait... I also drove over a giant stretch of grass while the guard wasn't looking to avoid paying my parking fee... I stuck it to the man!)

Thank the Lord for Creating...

It has come to my attention that yesterday’s post had a very bitter tone. I want to apologize for my childish whining and unnecessary complaining. What doesn’t make sense is that I was actually in a pretty good when I wrote it! I guess my bitterness came from some deep repressed anger hidden in the depths of my sub-conscious.

To counteract yesterday’s Debbie-downer, today’s post will focus on the 10 things that I am most grateful for. I am a lucky, LUCKY lady and feel the need to thank the Lord for creating…

1) iPods: Once upon a time… the human race had to carry around compact discs and enormous un-shuffable contraptions to play them, (the contraptions even required batteries!)… There was no way to store your entire music library on a single 2x3” (inch) device… (Also: playlists were non-existent!)
2) Caffeine: What picks you up when you’re running on 4 hours of sleep? COFFEE… What gives you a second wind before a long night of partying? DIET COKE… The beauty of caffeine: It lifts us up where we belong :)
3) Makeup: All women are beautiful… (But let’s be honest: only a handful are “pretty”)… Makeup helps the less-fortunate ladies to hold their own in a sea of Venuses.
4) Comfortable mattresses: A plush, springy mattress that conforms to your body, relaxes your muscles and calms your soul can certainly make the difference between a night full of dreams or nightmares. Comfy, fluffy, feathery linens… OH how I love thee :)
5) F7 Thesaurus: As a journalist… a thesaurus is a handy/crucial tool! Instead of lugging around actual books, (old school), or looking-up words on the web, try this lovely little Microsoft Word trick… Hit “shift” and “F7” when the cursor is directly after your desired word. A window will immediately pop-up with all of your word’s synonyms and antonyms… Perfection!
6) Harry Potter: I don’t know where I’d be today without my favorite literary friend and his magical Hogwarts posse. The Harry Potter series is truly the best fictional saga of my generation. J.K. Rowling’s easy-to-read style invited me into the world of Hogwarts and let me experience adventures that only magic could offer… Wingardium Leviosa!
7) Alcohol: In NO way do I promote alcoholism or unhealthy addictions to mind-altering substances. I do, however, promote occasional partying and innocent loosey-goosey frolicking :)
8) Snow: Looking out your window and seeing a beautiful white blanket covering the earth… definitely one of God’s greatest gifts. Snow is pure, enchanting, refreshing and an ultimate mood-lifter during the cold winter months. Cherish your snow-days!
9) Family: Friends come and go, but family is forever! As Stitch once said… “Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind” (what a wise little Disney alien)... Love your family as much as you can. Give them lots of hugs… they’ll give you lots of presents!
10) Zac Efron: (Zachary David Alexander Efron)… My future husband, soul-mate, dreamboat, etc… What would I do without your beautiful blue eyes, your perfectly sculpted body and your incredible dance moves? Someday I will meet you... and we will have beautiful children together… THE END

Why Did God Create...?

I woke up this morning to an unpleasant surprise: I couldn’t breathe... Where the hell were my lungs? (inhale, exhale, oxygen, C02?)

I quickly remembered that the wonderful joy known as Spring had blossomed across our great city earlier this week. The sinuses of innocent victims are now being stuffed to excess with bountiful amounts of pollen: (aka- plant sperm). The makers of Claritin are rolling in profits and Flonase distributors are dining on lobster tails and fillet mignon.

But what about ME and the millions of Americans who are suffering because of uncontrollable allergies? Migraines, congestion, ache and fatigue are just a handful of symptoms that ail us… achoo! (sniff, sniff)

To “celebrate” the arrival of this glorious season, I have compiled a list of items that infuriate me on a daily basis. Why on earth did God create…

1) Mosquitoes: They carry diseases, swarm around our heads, suck our blood & make us itch and scratch till our skin falls off! Please do me a grand favor and kill as many of these vampire-like insects as you can.
2) Traffic: As an extremely anxious and antsy individual, almost nothing is worse than sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic with no escape from my little Honda Accord. Claustrophobia mixed with intense boredom = Hell!
3) Smooth Jazz: My dad WORSHIPS this genre of music. He blasts it through the house on a regular basis. Unfortunately… it makes me absolutely nauseous. Someone needs to destroy Kenny G’s saxophone.
4) Calories: Imagine how amazing it would be if we could eat whatever we wanted- ALL day EVERY day- and still maintain a size 2 frame. Some call it gluttony… I call it bliss! Why did God create such wonderful indulgences and then develop a society that shuns sugar-filled carbs?
5) Water Chestnuts: The most disgusting vegetable of all time. Their crunchy texture and bitter taste make them absolutely gag-worthy!
6) Hair: Who hasn’t had a bad hair day?... Also: leg hair… why would God want to torture us with the constant chore of shaving? We knick our ankles, suffer from razor burn and waste too much time making ourselves smooth… Why can’t we just naturally be smooth? WHY!?
7) High School: Some people think high school was the best four years of their life. You all should wake up and embrace the world outside of prison. High school is a place for hormonal teenagers to inappropriately express their emotions, experiment with estrogen & testosterone and make very poor life decisions. Basically… one GIANT social nightmare.
8) Menstrual Cycles: The woman’s curse is completely unnecessary... I would rather receive a daily shot than continue this ridiculous pattern of monthly disdain. A quick stab in the arm would be nothing next to cramps, moodiness and abstinence.
9) War: War is bad. It’s scary, traumatic and kills loved ones. Call me a hippy, but I am all for world peace!
10) Acne: You wake up one morning and look out your bedroom window. It’s a beautiful sun-filled Saturday in May. You will be spending lots of time that day with dozens of friends and relatives that you haven’t seen in ages. Everything seems to be going perfectly… until you look in the mirror and see the giant boulder in the middle of your forehead... FML

Charming Strangers

One thing I really enjoy doing is meeting new & interesting people...

Last night I was chilling in my car outside of the Deville palace, patiently waiting for my favorite rock-stars to return home from their incredible show... I was reading "The Al-Jazeera Effect" and snuggling with my car blanket when I saw two random dudes walk up to the palace steps.

My first impulse was to lock my doors and hide from the guys in case they were burglars or psychopaths... but instead I decided to be my friendly bubbly self and start a conversation…

“Hey, are you guys here for the Deville party?” I asked.
“Uhh, yeah, we are. Are you?” they responded.
“Yeah, they aren’t back yet though. You guys can wait in my car if you want. It’s kind of cold out here,” I kindly requested.
“Sure, thanks!”…

… and that’s how I met two new rockers: one seductively amazing guitarist and one Seattle-native with an enormous afro.

After some upbeat small talk about Al-Jazeera and Harry Potter, the guitarist asked me how I knew the members of Deville. I told him I was “friends” with Teddy, which he immediately understood to mean “special” friends. He then asked if I had been to many of their shows… “Of course,” I told him. “I go to as many as I can! I love watching them play”… and then he said something magical…

“Wow, it’s girls like you that make being a musician worthwhile. We can write our songs and stand on stage performing them for dozens or even hundreds of people who don’t really appreciate what we’re doing… but looking out into the crowd and seeing that one person who really knows you, who loves watching you play and really cares about you… It’s girls like you that inspire us.”

All I could say… “Please father my children!”

Ok, I didn’t say that. But still: the dude had charm! I highly, HIGHLY doubt that his theory is true for the majority of musicians. But honestly… WHO cares! I was completely flattered and touched by his philosophy. Was it bullshit? Probably… but it was very, VERY good bull shit.